Chapter One: After The Rain
Author: Strify and Yu
Pairing: Yu/Strify [Main pairing]
Disclaimer: Are you serious? Such names belong to the real entities.
Notes: See the bottom of this chapter. …How ironic. Losing You/Yu. Ha! And, yes, if you read carefully you catch lyrics from one of their songs. But I won’t tell where or which. [Lyrics: Kissing and Touching - Cinema Bizarre]
Lookin’ for a shot of you.
In someone else’s smile.
I’m holdin’ on to every word.
Comparin’ all the time.
The more I break the more they talk
I’m left paralyzed
I’m struggling through the lonely nights
Questions fill my mind
I’m touching and kissing
With tears in my eyes
No one can help me forget.
“I’m sorry. How can we go on?”
“Why don’t you end my torment?”
The room had fallen silent. Hearts sunk deep into the pits of stomachs. The room had once been full of life but now dead silent. The news was still fresh like fallen rain. Still played itself in their minds like a track stuck on repeat. There was only the sound of the shuffling of feet here and there, a door opening a closing. But no one looked up or even bothered to look in the direction of noise. They didn’t have to…
Amongst them, the one most affected by the news that had been given less then an hour ago was Strify who had put distance between himself and the rest of the members of the band or, more appropriately, remaining ones. He had seated himself in a arm chair near the window, arm resting upon the sill as he stared out of it, listening to the rain hit the patio and street below and everything else in it’s wake. For a moment, his gaze locked onto the small puddle forming on the cement floor.
“It’s about passion…”
Dark blue hues closed tightly, his heart tightening as if someone closed their hand around it and squeezed until the tips of their fingers touched. Even if he were to go after him now, it would be too late. He was probably far gone by now and even if Strify did catch him, what would he say? He was too ashamed to tell him how he felt and hid his heart because he was too afraid to reveal the scars that were going to need to be healed. Why was it that this very memory now tortured him? Was it because it was still fresh in his mind? This very memory was one of those that needed to be erased and replaced. He couldn’t go on forever with that very thought lingering in his mind…
Usually mornings weren't so bad, what little Yu bothered to see of them, but today was different. Today brought with it a whole lot of procrastination, since he had something to say. Something big. And therein was the problem. News always turned out to be a tricky subject. There was no way to tell how the people receiving the news would feel. Would they think it was good? Bad? Completely awful? He had a pretty good idea what it would be in this case, though wasn't jumping the gun; aside from the unusual act of pacing around the kitchen, strangely silent, while trying to figure through the whole thing.
The rest of the band had eventually shuffled out of their "caves" after a good, or maybe bad, night of sleep. Amongst them, the every glamorous Strify who had seemed to roll out of bed exactly how he rolled right into bed. He looked almost unchanged from the night before. His hair brushed here and there but that was the extent to his morning readiness aside from the brushing of teeth and the application of eyeliner and light blue eye shadow. He had seated himself between both Kiro and Shin, who were engaging in a linked game of
It was no surprise that they were all awake. That didn't startle Yu in the least. Though they were what worried him, all the same. Yes, them. He, in fact, was pleased about what he had in mind. Had been since the thought first came to him. Self-exploration could do that to anyone, though, and getting the courage to go ahead and do it seemed to just triple that. There was nothing like being able to make a name for yourself. Though, he had a feeling the argument would be clear; he already did have a name for himself, at least in part. It wasn't the same, though. And this wasn't going to be easy. He ran a hand through hair that looked like it hadn't been combed, and often even looked that way when it had been, and headed into the other room to prove he was awake, too.
"Guten Morgen, Yu."
Strify had glanced up from the latest manga of NANA that he hand since picked up from the coffee table in front of him. There really was never a bad time to read. Morning, noon or night. On the tour bus, now. Anywhere there was always a chance to catch up on some reading here and there and today seemed like any other day; he was half right…
"Strify! Guten Morgen."
Really, it was a decent enough morning. It just had the overshadowing effect that came with having to confess to something. Not that it was really a confession...or maybe it was. Thinking like that was a headache waiting to happen. So instead he headed over and sat on the arm of the couch to observe the goings on.
The rest of the band chimed in here and there with their good mornings and even a warming slap on the back from Romeo which wasn't anything out of the ordinary. It was the usual Romeo greeting. Strify glanced up from his manga again at Yu, marking his spot with his finger.
"What's for breakfast? Or were you not in the kitchen to cook delicious food?" Truly a typical morning…
This was what he was used to, the routine he'd go so set into that it was as natural as breathing. Greeting Strify, greeting the others, just little things, but still important. "Hm?" Oh, right. The kitchen. Too bad food hadn't crossed his mind the entire time he was in there.
"Shouldn't breakfast be left to someone with a talent for it? Someone that isn't me? ...I don't know who, but not me!"
"Don't look at me."
Strify wasn't one for cooking. He could, but it usually wasn't by choice. Most of the time everyone was left to their own devices and had to look for their own food; considering the fact that some of them slept in later then the others and sometimes the rest of the members were at their own homes and eventually showed up at the flat he, Kiro and Yu shared together. Though, food hadn't crossed his mind either until the kitchen had been mentioned.
"If you get to near starving, I can cook."
It was a matter of being inclined to do it, since it was true that everyone generally went for fending for themselves. As such, Yu usually only cooked for himself, when it came down to it. Or, when appropriate, it was just easier to order something and have it delivered. Home cooking, though...it always did taste better.
"I'm fine. Shin and Romeo went out before they came here, I guess."
"Then I won't worry."
He had caught bits and pieces of a conversation between the trio of Romeo, Kiro and Shin since he had been on the phone with Luminor who, from time to time, called just to see how everyone was doing. It was a nice thing hearing from him, especially since his health no longer allowed for him to continue his dealings with Cinema Bizarre. "I want to go back to sleep!" Strify yawned, stretched and leaned back against the couch, sinking down into the plush cushions.
Food was a required thing, but he didn't have much of an appetite today. Same reason as everything else was off today. That would resolve itself soon enough, though, just as soon as he found the right way to come out and say what he had to say to them.
"You and I both! I feel like I haven't slept at all!"
"It sounds nice, doesn't it? One of the few days off."
"It does. Though, right now, anything would be better than being awake."
Those were rare and far between, especially when you were a celebrity and more so if you were in a band or even a solo artist. But, it was always hard to find something to do for that day. Today was one of those. Being back in Berlin meant that there really wasn't a place they hadn't been to, to visit or, rather, one they really wanted to visit.
"What should we do today?"
"I don't know. We've done everything here. Unless there's something that's worth doing again? Though, if not, I have something to say at some point. No rush."
Yu leaned back, careful not to shift too far and fall off. He hadn't meant for the statement to come out quite the way it did, but it was too late to take it back.
That very statement had sparked Strify's curiosity. That statement was one that could have been placed with so many answers and Strify couldn't even think of one. Though, then again, he really wasn't searching for the answer. Or at least one that would've been considered right had he known the real answer. Strify shifted on the couch, setting aside the forgotten book from earlier.
"What is it?"
"I'll tell you soon."
"Oh, come on!"
Yu tipped his head back and grinned. He should have known better than to say anything without intending to come right out with it. Once Strify was interested, he was pretty sure there wasn't much he could get him to do to delay the inevitable. Of course, that was normal, too. Not to mention really cute!
Now Strify really wanted to know what was up. He leaned forward, pressing the side of his shoulder against Shin's as he leaned passed his back and closer to Yu. He stared up at him with dark blue eyes, a small pout poking forth.
"When you give me that look, you remind me of a puppy. They have that same look, the one that just makes a person want to give in!"
There may have been a lot on Yu’s mind, but he still had to stop and laugh at the persistence.
Strify arched an eyebrow, keeping himself pressed to Shin's shoulder who had playfully nipped him and had, by now, tore his attention away from the game in order to look up at Yu as well. Apparently, such a thing also sparked the drummer's interest.
"Tell us, Yu." Shin egged, only promoting Strify's persistence.
"When someone has a secret, you're supposed to let them tell it slowly!"
"We are? Says who?"
"I said so."
He didn't actually know if that was true or not, and it seemed even less applicable in this case, where it would have been easier to tell it and just take what was coming.
"You know, you're supposed to say things like, 'Take your time.' and stuff!"
Strify knew that Yu was only trying to avoid telling them the secret. He slid himself past Shin, pressing himself up against the arm of the couch and resting his chin on the other's leg to stare up at him with his eyes. His hands were pressed up against the plush arm as Shin used the vocalist as a back rest.
That was always the easiest answer and....well, it rarely worked, but it was still the easiest answer.
"I can tell you, now. I just don't know if I should. I don't know how you guys are going to react. It's still early, it seems like a shame to waste the WHOLE day."
Strify's expression quickly changed as he sat up, drawing away from Yu's leg, the arm rest of the couch and being Shin's back rest. He stared up at Yu, now more concerned then ever Things like what Yu had just said always worried him, especially because anything equipped with "how you will react" was never anything good.
Yu stopped and watched Strify move away. After seeing that, he stood up and leaned against the couch instead. Now it was obvious he wasn't going to get out of delaying this until later, so that meant finding the best way to word it.
"It's not easy to say without making waves."
"Well, then tell us already..."
Strify could feel it. His heart sinking into the pit of his stomach and unbeknownst to him, a feeling he would be feeling for the duration of the day or even week. Months... He stood, moving to stand in front of Yu to direct his attention solely on the slightly taller male before him.
"I need to work on myself. To go...do something else. It's like creating myself again. I'd still be me, somewhat the same, somewhat not."
That hardly made any sense to Yu, so he had no idea how it was going to make sense to them. Though he still had the feeling they'd understand all too well what he was driving at.
The feeling in the pit of Strify's stomach only grew all the more. He wasn't exactly sure what Yu had said meant and half of him really didn't want to know at all.
"I don't get it, Yu. What do you mean?"
Strify shifted back, his eyes never leaving the ebony haired male. By now, the room had fallen completely silent.
Yu sat back down on the arm of the couch, just in a new position. There was nowhere to go. Running off would only delay the issue as he'd originally been doing, since he'd need to return here eventually. This was home.
"I want to get my own artist name. To make a move of my own. It‘s about passion."
Strify searched for the right words, but they seemed to be stuck or, more appropriately, lost. What was he supposed to say? How was he supposed to feel? Happy? Sad? Angry? Strify pressed a hand to his chest, his eyes locked upon no certain spot on the floor.
This was what Yu knew he'd been right about. The fact that he couldn't judge reactions. And even now, with no one saying anything about the matter, he knew even less of what to expect. Instead of saying more right then and there, he lowered his head and just waited for it.
It seemed like hours. The entire room had fallen deadly quiet as the news began to really sink in. His heart felt as if it had stopped and fallen to pieces.
That was all Strify could manage to say. All he needed to, to really believe that that was what was happening.
"I don't think of it as leaving."
Though it did actually mean leaving, if only for a certain amount of time. Even Yu didn't know how long that would be, not yet.
"It's time to explore myself."
"You're leaving. Just admit it!"
Strify could feel the hate sinking in. All the emotions that were now building up. He turned away from the slightly taller male. There was something else to add to all of this and Strify had noticed it only just now. Romeo knew all about this and was behind Yu all the way...
"I'm not ditching you guys!"
He didn't mean he was walking away and just calling it an end here. That wasn't what it was about. Was he really the only one that realized it? How could he leave all of this? But, then he understood. No one could predict the future, no one could say what would happen.
"I don't know what else to tell you, Yu...I really don't."
What was he supposed to say or do? What did Yu want from him? There really was nothing more he could think of saying or could say.
"You don't have to say anything. It's fine."
Yu couldn't force any of them to be happy anymore than he could blame them if they were angry. News like this was never easy. He pushed away from the couch, stepped around him and walked by. He left things as they were and went back to his room. There was nothing else he could do, not after that. Though, it seemed reasonable to get dressed and go out. Give them all more time to think about it.
Strify shut his eyes tightly, pressing his digits to the palm of his hand. He moved to the couch near the window and sat himself into it. That was exactly how he had ended up exactly where he was sitting now...
Strify’s eyes opened, his forehead pressing up against the cold glass. That memory would haunt him for as long as he lived. He just knew it…
Ruining what was meant to be a peaceful day off had not been Yu’s intention. But, once he’d been forced to speak the words he’d been meaning to save for the evening, he’d had no recourse, no way to go back or take them back. He would have loved to, though. It wouldn’t have changed anything, but at least he could have spent the day with everyone normally, had a few more moments of enjoyment before having to tell them everything.
After all, who knew when the next time for that would be, now.
Instead, Yu had done the only thing he could think of and left. Talking more, at least right then, wasn’t going to do any good for anyone involved. Getting out of the way gave everyone time to sort out how they were feeling, as well as gave him the chance to sort out how he was feeling; not only about his plans, but about the reaction he had gotten. In reality, Yu knew there was only one thing he could do, now.
Wait and hope they realized he was telling the truth, that he wasn’t running out on them all…
End Chapter One